Condolences

In the last two weeks or so, three different people in my life, close and dear friends have lost family members,
A father, an uncle and a grandmother.

My heart goes out to them all, and I just wanted to mark their passing and hope others might keep them in their thoughts too.
We are all so lucky, to have each other.

Always remember how precious and short time is. How we take for granted health and wellness till we are no longer healthy or well. Remember you never know how much longer you have so make it good now, and don't wait.

I love you so much, family.

This is a real kicker...

So a couple years ago, Oregonians paid too much in income tax, to the tune of 1.1 billion too much. This caused the kicker refund, in which we would each get back the over paid portion.

I didn't earn much that year, so I didn't think much of what I would get back, I thought, oh 30-60 dollars maybe.

So when I get a letter from Oregon today indicating my notice of the donation of my kicker refund for education, and that it was 238$ I did two things.
First, I was like oh, that was nice of me to do that on my 2006 tax return, it wasn't going to be much money anyways....to 2) What 238$? Man I could really use than right now! AUGH!

So, Yeah, I really could use that 238$. I didn't forecast where I would be this winter, or how my finances would change as a single person. Or how much I would really get back.

I do know, working IN a Portland School, that they desperately need money. It's a little sickening and saddening. So I hope a whole lot of other people did the same thing.

Do I regret my little altruistic box check back at tax time now that I know how much I got back? A little.
But I think I did the right thing.

Oh.. When Darkness Comes...

Where did the last 3....4? Days go? I am not entirely sure. I slept through most of them and half watched Miyazaki films and chick flicks the rest of the time.

I got a bad case of strep and was apparently lucky the Dr. didn't think I should be admitted for an IV right then, She did give me a sprite, I think it was a test to see if I really could swallow anything.

Normally the germs and I have a peaceful cohabitation, but this time, it was war. I hate antibiotics, in general, not hate, dislike how they are over dispensed, and that folks are uneducated about good/bad bacterias and how antibacterials can;t fix viruses...yadda yadda, I also am rather attached to my own bacterial flora and hate to mess with that. But when MY throat is on like, fire from the pit of the sun and I'm in some delirious night sweat because of some microscopic streptococcal bender in my throat, then I will partake me some bread mold pills.

But I am now definitely on the mend, fever is gone (thank goodness, I am really tired of being really hot or shivering, or both. I spent all day watching lent DVDs from my dear J9 and catching up on light housework and still trying to eat solid food or liquids in any portion over a half a cup. (My poor tonsils still look pretty frighting.)

I have to say I am so grateful right now for my friends, my roommate took me to urgent care, I could have never driven myself, and she went grocery shopping for me. And if she hadn't been able too, J9 would have been there in a heartbeat, like she was with replenishing DVDs! I am so grateful for them both. And I really hope Dawn does not get sick.

Tonight I celebrated getting better with a delicious meal from the Thai place nearby and even though it hurt to eat it still, it was the first real food, satisfying food, that I have had in nearly a week. So, Yay for Tom Ka and Pra Ram. Yay for Antibioticals and Alexander Fleming and My Urgent Care Doc who was ever so nice. Yay for good roommates and good Friends.

Driving

So, my car sort of died, the Ford. And I now have a new car, courtesy of my dad. It's a lovely SMALL car, and it's cute. It's also a manual. I was driving it home last night from work and it struck me, that, this car, this stick shift, is analogous to my life.
This is the story;
I don't know how to drive a stick. When my dad called and said "I found a car for you...you can drive a stick right?" I replied "Uh, no, but I am sure I will learn." Diplomatic answer. What I really wanted to say was more like "Oh god...I'm terrified of learning how to drive a stick."
My roommate took me out in her car to practice some.
My mom and I drove up and I drove part of the way.
Now the car is here and I have no one to drive for me. And no other car to drive.
The car will not drive itself.
I have to drive it and I won't get better at it until I drive it more.
And sure enough, I am getting better at it.
And I have a sure feeling once I learn how to drive a stick as well as I did an automatic, I won't want to go back.

But it still terrifies me. Something I was able to do, without much thought, is suddenly strange and uncomfortable. But I have to keep driving it in spite of my fears and my discomfort to get it.


And my life is a little like that right now. Uncomfortable. Scary...But I am not going to get anyplace if I sit around and wait for it to take me someplace. I have to get in the car and drive. It's time to move on down the road.

It's Thanksforpiegiving Day

So this has been a crappy year, on several counts. Crappy crappy dismal evil worst year in a very long time.
That included the garden=( It was poorly tended due to many other things but it managed to give me some lovely, lovely pumpkins.

Two of those lovely pumpkins were from Baker Creek Heirloom Seed Company's Luxury Pie Pumpkins. I got about 4 lbs of meat from them. 4 lbs...
I roasted the pumpkin halves in the oven in a water bath and scooped out the meat and now I have pumpkin coming out my ears.
So it was pumpkin pancakes for breakfast (YUM!)
And now it's pie in the oven.


This is a crappy turkey day for me. (See re: above) My roommate and I are going to an absolutely yummy restaurant for dinner later and we will drink and dine and have a merry time, no doubt.


It's been 4 years since I was 'home' for thanksgiving and all those years I still had a loved one here with me. I don't this year. It's just a day. A day I wish I was back home...I am not too fond of much American history, not that we are any better than anyone else's history in regards to native peoples and divine conquest, don't get me wrong, humans are just mean no matter the nationality... But without them (pilgrims yadda yadda), we would not have Pie. I am pretty sure pie was around then and that pumpkins are American and so one could argue pumpkin pie is more American than apple. And people are especially nice around thanksgiving so I think hundreds of years of spreading good food and love around might make up for a little bit of the "humans are mean", like maybe it makes it "humans are just plain mean...sometimes....then it's thanksgiving and they are all nice and happy." But I digress.

Thanksgiving this year is all about pie. I made it from as scratch as I could. (Except the crust. I mean really, who cares about the crust on a pumpkin pie? it is simply a shell to hold the delectable pumpkin custard so when you are eating cold pie you need no fork nor plate, it's a tool the crust is a tool! I can understand apple pie crust being all flaky and perfect and buttery and adding something to the sweet soft apple filling a nice texture thing but pumpkin? I could make pumpkin custard and be happy. So the crust is not from scratch cause unless it actually contributes to the PIE? I don't care.


Fresh ginger and extra clove and cinnamon and brown sugar instead of white and damned if it isn't delish. (It is I had a bite when it got out of the oven about 10 mins ago now..spicy happyness)


Thank the turkeys for pie.
I miss you family, I will eat a slice for you too.

New Pics in Photographia

Check em out, it's late fall in portland.

Moratorium

I can only do this bloggy thing when I'm upbeat, when I have something fun or happy or cool to share. I'm not sure when I'll back, but I am sure I will be some day. For now, life is in the way, and if you want to get a hold of me, just email or call, no updates here for awhile.

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
not with a bang, but a whimper.

T.S. Elliot.

This poem I find appropriate for many occasions from war to death to painful change.
It all hurts someone.
and it all hurts.