Objects of (in)Signifigance

I was walking through the park blocks recently and thinking about something or other, and my train of thought led me to thinking about stuff. The stuff that accumulates in our lives, over time, seems inevitable, like wrinkles or grey hairs or regrets.

It's something i have been pondering for some time in my efforts to become less, to own less, buy less, simplify. I have given away car loads of time to Goodwill the last several years, stratigraphic layers of my life I have been able to excavate and discard.

But it's still there, in the basement, in the closet, on the shelf... things of no significance in of themselves. Alone, they have no value.
The basement, the basement is filled with the remnants of a shared life, the broken pieces that cracked off and were left behind to be swept up and forgotten, for me to deal with, dispose of, despise.

It's also home to the shed moltings of my life that have no place anywhere else, but that I can't let GO. Obligations, memories, detritus..fingernail clippings and fallen hairs...

I thought about how, there is a mantle of things in my room that represent me. totems, physical manifestations of a place, time and situation. It's like I need these things to remember, lest my memory lets them slip away unbeknowst to me and I realise I've lost something, but I'm not sure what.
Would it be better to let these little objects d' vinget go and let my mind become uncluttered?

It's my house full of things I can't let go of because my mind is cluttered up with things I should let go?

I know that this mausoleum of things keeps me a bit immobile,I have moved with a lot of it before, but the longer you stay in a places, the more this stuff grows, home as a petri dish. It's the lint of living, you keep collecting it under the couch, on your coat, and you try to get rid of it, but it just sticks.

I've seen the garages of families, packed with this sort of lint, piles so high and wide, there is no room to live in it, no room to park a car, make a cabinet, play instruments...and I wonder if it's entropy, inertia...are we doomed to collect stuff?

I don't want it.

Small Exciting Things

It's been an exciting week (well, week and a half or so I guess, not week as in Sun-Sat), long tiring but many little happy things are coming to fruition or are seeds of potentiality.

This is the first year I have bought absolutely NOTHING as a gift for anyone. I have made (or am feverishly finishing) all my gifts this year. I did not step in a mall, I did not order a thing on line, and I did not fret over what to get anyone. And The making things? Not nearly as stressful as the buying of things, because of the inherent satisfaction of the creation of a useful object for someone else to enjoy.


After a harrowing journey to the DEQ (Oregon's smog check), while avoiding hills and not getting lost, I finally got to the DMV today to register my car. (Was slated for last week but well, last week was it's own thing.) I got special interest plates! I won;t get them till January because they are so spanking new. There is a new plate for Oregon called "Share the Road" and I'm getting it and that is exciting for me. =)

Most exciting is the event I organized at work and how it has magically come together into an amazing display of skin boat kayaks. It's better than I imagined and I'm so excited to see it in action with visitors. This is a big deal, it's a really cool event and I think, for me, a really big step in terms of what I do at work and branching out. I can;t wait for work tomorrow.

And then there are the little things like having several excellent times with friends old and new, which just reminds me how important the people in my life are to me and that I don't see some nearly as often as I should. Today I had dinner and knit at one such friend's house while her fiance made cookies and the other housemates knit and discussed things by the fire. Their home is the closest thing to what I feel as family I have here. And its all these little things, these little moments over dinner or drinks or beer, that keep me grounded and human sometimes.

I need more potlucks and outings this winter, it is soul warming, this human connection. I realise this as I sit at home alone, roommate gone for the holidays already and I'm soon to travel home myself, the warmth of hearth and home is unparalleled as my fingers blue here in my empty apartment. Sunday can't fly here soon enough!

Happy Holidays

Tabula Rasa

While recuperating this last Fri/Sat, I decided it would be a great idea to refinish my coffee table. The design I had on it before was getting old, and the table ( and it's cousin the end table) were looking rather beat up and worn.


I didn't want to sand the whole thing down, too much work, no garage or anything to work in, so I decided to repaint it instead. Yay paint. It was fun and I am very happy with the results. I also picked out some lovely new art papers to work with for the tops.

Condolences

In the last two weeks or so, three different people in my life, close and dear friends have lost family members,
A father, an uncle and a grandmother.

My heart goes out to them all, and I just wanted to mark their passing and hope others might keep them in their thoughts too.
We are all so lucky, to have each other.

Always remember how precious and short time is. How we take for granted health and wellness till we are no longer healthy or well. Remember you never know how much longer you have so make it good now, and don't wait.

I love you so much, family.

This is a real kicker...

So a couple years ago, Oregonians paid too much in income tax, to the tune of 1.1 billion too much. This caused the kicker refund, in which we would each get back the over paid portion.

I didn't earn much that year, so I didn't think much of what I would get back, I thought, oh 30-60 dollars maybe.

So when I get a letter from Oregon today indicating my notice of the donation of my kicker refund for education, and that it was 238$ I did two things.
First, I was like oh, that was nice of me to do that on my 2006 tax return, it wasn't going to be much money anyways....to 2) What 238$? Man I could really use than right now! AUGH!

So, Yeah, I really could use that 238$. I didn't forecast where I would be this winter, or how my finances would change as a single person. Or how much I would really get back.

I do know, working IN a Portland School, that they desperately need money. It's a little sickening and saddening. So I hope a whole lot of other people did the same thing.

Do I regret my little altruistic box check back at tax time now that I know how much I got back? A little.
But I think I did the right thing.

Oh.. When Darkness Comes...

Where did the last 3....4? Days go? I am not entirely sure. I slept through most of them and half watched Miyazaki films and chick flicks the rest of the time.

I got a bad case of strep and was apparently lucky the Dr. didn't think I should be admitted for an IV right then, She did give me a sprite, I think it was a test to see if I really could swallow anything.

Normally the germs and I have a peaceful cohabitation, but this time, it was war. I hate antibiotics, in general, not hate, dislike how they are over dispensed, and that folks are uneducated about good/bad bacterias and how antibacterials can;t fix viruses...yadda yadda, I also am rather attached to my own bacterial flora and hate to mess with that. But when MY throat is on like, fire from the pit of the sun and I'm in some delirious night sweat because of some microscopic streptococcal bender in my throat, then I will partake me some bread mold pills.

But I am now definitely on the mend, fever is gone (thank goodness, I am really tired of being really hot or shivering, or both. I spent all day watching lent DVDs from my dear J9 and catching up on light housework and still trying to eat solid food or liquids in any portion over a half a cup. (My poor tonsils still look pretty frighting.)

I have to say I am so grateful right now for my friends, my roommate took me to urgent care, I could have never driven myself, and she went grocery shopping for me. And if she hadn't been able too, J9 would have been there in a heartbeat, like she was with replenishing DVDs! I am so grateful for them both. And I really hope Dawn does not get sick.

Tonight I celebrated getting better with a delicious meal from the Thai place nearby and even though it hurt to eat it still, it was the first real food, satisfying food, that I have had in nearly a week. So, Yay for Tom Ka and Pra Ram. Yay for Antibioticals and Alexander Fleming and My Urgent Care Doc who was ever so nice. Yay for good roommates and good Friends.