Updates from a lazy urban environmentalist
I just ended a major spring cleaning jag yesterday. Well, there is more work to do, but for now I am all cleaned out. While cleaning, or actually, when I wasn’t cleaning, I can multi-task but reading and washing windows is an unlikely ability I cannot claim to possess, I was also reading the book Organic Housekeeping by Ellen Sandbeck. I have been meaning to read this book for a long while, it’s languished on my ‘to read’ shelf for the better part of a year or so. And it is a great book, right in line with many of my philosophies. It also made me see living in modern day American society as nothing more than a death trap.
I mean, much of what she discusses, it stuff that when I allow myself to actually sit and think about, tends to make me feel helpless and induces a mild apocalyptic panic. VOC’s, petroleum based products and other synthetic materials, ‘cleaning’ solutions we take for granted as ‘safe’ simply because they are marketed to us as what we are supposed to use to clean stuff, uhhh all kinds of things. I am not here to evaluate and regurgitate the book, basically stuff we have in our homes that actually is super toxic to our lives. And I did this thinking while the paint in the bathroom was drying. Maybe it was the fumes getting to me. Who knows.
It freaks me out because how on earth can you really escape a lot of it? I mean some of the obvious ways are to buy completely organically made things and to use natural cleaning products, choose a natural living environment or a green building (huh yeah as a renter that will ever happen.) and the like, but not all of that is something one can just DO. I can use vinegar till the cows come home to clean stuff, but does that change that this house I reside in is over 100 years old and who knows what is under my synthetic fume emitting carpets? Or that the basement has strange bottles of hazardous materials of unknown age and stability? No. There is a lot I can’t really control.
So, I know what I can do is control the things I have control over. But I still feel really overwhelmed when I really stop to think about modern society. Not just this stuff, bathroom cleaner or drain opener or any other number of things that someone who is not a chemist should really handle, but everything, the excess, the wasting, the sterilization, the disconcert with people and nature. It’s all a big basket of eggs.
Anyway, outside of me becoming independently wealthy and buying my own off grid homestead where I can control every element of my own home design and furnishing and grow my own food and raise my own animals, or Janine get’s her co-op started and I can move into the crofters cottage and raise sheep and goats and teach city kids about permaculture, I guess I will just do what I can within my means. I still feel frustrated and helpless sometimes though. Yesterday I had a whole lot more to say on home environmental toxins and stuff but it’s gone. Sufficed to say, just stay away from the drain opener and stuff ok? Baking soda and vinegar are awesome you need little else. Maybe some borax. Did you know there is wax in window cleaner? I didn’t. I have been using vinegar for awhile. But for real?
Anyway…
After a lull last year of doing anything outside of getting my life put back together, I have indeed, still been working on greening my life. So here are some updates:
I have managed to give up paper towels. Being the user of massive amounts of paper towels, I am rather proud of myself. I am not anti-paper towel, but trust me, trees are better off with me not using them over judiciously. I use kitchen towels napkins and dishrags and the trees are better for it.
I went through most of the winter without using my space heater. There were times when my room was just too cold, but the less I used it the more inured I got to the cold and so I’d use it even less. But days like today make me want to break it out. It’s chilly!!
I have been slowly phasing out the cosmetics in my life. There have been several purgings. Last night I unceremoniously dumped out my “favorite” moisturizer that made my eyes burn. I got a new moisturizer though, I need one, my skin so dry in the winter, but I know what each of the few ingredients are and they are all natural. And they don’t make my eyes burn, fancy that…I still have a lotion or two I particularly like the scent of. I do still own and sometimes wear makeup, but it’s that mineral powder kind, at its worst it has an anti-caking agent in it. It does not make my eyes burn. It’s about as pure for makeup as you can get. I also still have lip gloss, I like it sometimes. But overall, I am makeup free unless I feel like getting dolled up for some reason. I give myself a year to move away from that too. Since giving up perfumed things last year (not things scented with like, essential or natural oils, but perfumes) I have become much more aware of them elsewhere and they are irritating.
I switched back to shampoo awhile back when my roommate moved in. But I have since become itchy scalped again and so, when it’s gone (maybe a shampoo or two), its back to baking soda for me! Ugh.
I am still attempting to give up shaving; it’s useless and conformist but AUGH! It’s one convention I have hard time breaking out of. Especially in the summer.
I am trying to buy fewer things in plastic. This can be so tough. But I know I can do it! Since the trash company I have refuses to accept a lot of the recyclable plastics, it’s even more important to avoid buying them.
I can fit all my clothes in my dresser or on one rack in the closet now. I do have a bin to store summer vs. winter clothes, simple because it’s easier to keep non seasonal clothes clean and in a box out of the way. I have maybe 3-4 things now that are clothes is really do not wear, and have for memorabilia purposes, such as my ren faire costume and my leather motorcycle jacket with skinny puppy and NIN logos I painted on it. Those I just can’t be rid of. I have also halved, at least, my shoes. I need to rid myself of more. I only NEED maybe two sturdy pairs of shoes…but you know... shoes.
The garden is sort of started for the year; I dug up a patch and seeded it with lots of lettuces and stuff.
I am still in a process of lessening the amount of stuff I own. I have done a good job but some of it is only sort of removed. I have two boxes that need to go to Powell’s; I have furniture in the basements that needs a new home. I have another, much smaller, stack of things for goodwill. And of course, stuff out is pointless if you keep bringing it in, I have been pretty good about that. I went through my craft stuff and pruned. I also went through my yarn and pruned out the stuff I will never use. Haven’t decided what to do with it. I think it should get donated.
Future projects include:
A further reduction in books, removing some has made me realize I would really not miss some others. If I could get down to two bookshelves, I would be very happy.
Selling my giant mattress and getting a smaller bed again, maybe a futon couch. I would have SO MUCH MORE SPACE! It’s kind of sad. The bed is suuuper comfy, but the size for one person is a wee bit ridiculous. However, mattress resale values are very poor. Even if they are pristine and barely a year old. But I cannot imagine carting this giant thing around with me for the next 10 years (its lifetime or so)
Considering selling my television that is currently languishing in the basement. I haven’t even been watching my roommate’s TV )which is larger than mine so we stowed mine) I am happy to watch dvd’s on my computer, why the extra appliance?
Going through all my camping gear and getting rid of some of the stuff that is just ‘there’ I never use it. The water filter that is broken, extra water bottles, stuff. Get it all to one bin instead of two.
Get rid of the books in the basement I have no idea why I am actually hanging on to. They are in a box in the basement because I deemed them unworthy to hangout on my shelves so, why do I still have them eh??
Remaining cleaning projects include:
Major appliance cleaning (for sunny warm weather)
Carpet cleaning
Hazardous waste removal
Yard clean up (big project this year. *sigh*)
But that’s it. The rest is more or less done.
Yeah!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Fabric out of Matted Fiber
Or felting.
Erica and I are making a workshop on felting wool and other naturally fibery things. This will be at the Linus Pauling House on Hawthorn on Monday the 31st of March in association with Cascadia Wild. (My last name is uh, actually spelled with an "F" but this is one of the things that makes me love my last name, I know, I'm weird, I think we have already established this though..moving on!)
Erica came over tonight and we had dinner and then played with wool. It was a lot of fun. I made pork ribs, which gave us drippings enough for a nice pork gravy to go with Biscuits Erica whipped up and She also brought a nice mixed wild foods and garden grown salad complete with flowers that was very tasty. It was so pretty I took a picture of it.
Then we got down to business. Wet felting carded and raw wool. This consists of layering the wool so the fibers in each layer lie more or less perpendicular to each other, dousing it with soapy hot water and massaging it with your fingertips for about 10 mins, flipping it..continue this until you have a solid fabric, rinse, dry, throw in dryer if you wish to full (not fuull, long u, but fulll, short u long double el.) Fulling is when you have an existing fabric of wool (be it felted knit, woven whatever) and then you felt it again. A knit sweater, that shrinks when you wash it and then put it in the dryer is fulled not felted, even though it IS a felting process. (which you should never do to wool knits! Unless you WANT them smaller...) Lost yet?
heee.
The raw wool(not pictured) was harder to felt but closer to a true raw technology than when you add the step of carding the wool. Carding we discovered, not only lays all the fibers neatly in line, but also causes a lot of the debris from the raw wool to fall out (plant material and dirt mostly.) And Erica, being the brilliant woman she is said something like, "Well, that makes sense, it's like when we brush our hair." SO obvious it was too obvious, we both laughed we didn't realise that sooner.
I also played with a fulled cashmere sweater of mine and made a hat from one of the sleeves. I like this hat. I like it so much I then NEEDLE felted it. I'm not done but I took a picture anyways.
Needle felting is when you taker a felted item, (felt or fulled or what have you but, general a wool item) and push little bits of wool into desired shapes and patters using small needles with tiny barbs on them that force the fibers into the main fabric and the hooks push the fiber in, but the slide out all smooth leaving the fibers locked in place.
Pretty cunning, don'tcha think?
Erica and I are making a workshop on felting wool and other naturally fibery things. This will be at the Linus Pauling House on Hawthorn on Monday the 31st of March in association with Cascadia Wild. (My last name is uh, actually spelled with an "F" but this is one of the things that makes me love my last name, I know, I'm weird, I think we have already established this though..moving on!)
Erica came over tonight and we had dinner and then played with wool. It was a lot of fun. I made pork ribs, which gave us drippings enough for a nice pork gravy to go with Biscuits Erica whipped up and She also brought a nice mixed wild foods and garden grown salad complete with flowers that was very tasty. It was so pretty I took a picture of it.
Then we got down to business. Wet felting carded and raw wool. This consists of layering the wool so the fibers in each layer lie more or less perpendicular to each other, dousing it with soapy hot water and massaging it with your fingertips for about 10 mins, flipping it..continue this until you have a solid fabric, rinse, dry, throw in dryer if you wish to full (not fuull, long u, but fulll, short u long double el.) Fulling is when you have an existing fabric of wool (be it felted knit, woven whatever) and then you felt it again. A knit sweater, that shrinks when you wash it and then put it in the dryer is fulled not felted, even though it IS a felting process. (which you should never do to wool knits! Unless you WANT them smaller...) Lost yet?
heee.
The raw wool(not pictured) was harder to felt but closer to a true raw technology than when you add the step of carding the wool. Carding we discovered, not only lays all the fibers neatly in line, but also causes a lot of the debris from the raw wool to fall out (plant material and dirt mostly.) And Erica, being the brilliant woman she is said something like, "Well, that makes sense, it's like when we brush our hair." SO obvious it was too obvious, we both laughed we didn't realise that sooner.
I also played with a fulled cashmere sweater of mine and made a hat from one of the sleeves. I like this hat. I like it so much I then NEEDLE felted it. I'm not done but I took a picture anyways.
Needle felting is when you taker a felted item, (felt or fulled or what have you but, general a wool item) and push little bits of wool into desired shapes and patters using small needles with tiny barbs on them that force the fibers into the main fabric and the hooks push the fiber in, but the slide out all smooth leaving the fibers locked in place.
Pretty cunning, don'tcha think?
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Spring Cleaning Projects
I have a whole mess of things I want to do this spring to lessen the amount of stuff I own and to organize what I do keep. My goal is to have most of my belongings, that are not kitchen related or a couch, you know, common area or closet things, fit in my room by the end of the year.
I realised that I will most likely be moving again at some point into shared housing with other people. Maybe not this year but at some point. I have a roommate for now and we're great, but you never know when someone's life is going to change and they are going to move. I want to be able to up and move into a room someplace and not need a whole apartment to myself. 1) that's really expensive and 2) I like living with people around. So I would most likely be moving into someone's established household or creating one with friends of my own, if/when I do move again. I want to be as unburdened as possible if that happens. That and if I ever want to take off and do something like work for the forest service or a residential camp and need to store my belongings, it will be much easier to do.
My list for this spring:
clean basement:recycle and redistribute still useful items
take to dump stuff that cannot be reclaimed and is not an environmental hazard. Appropriately dispose of anything that is an environmental hazard ( there are a lot of things like rat poison and fertilizer lying around from previous tenants, and paint that is old and useless.)
get rid of excess things:
chase lounge is going to go,
it has an awkward shape and is useless as a couch as it has a low back. too bad it is otherwise an awesome piece of furniture. But I have decided the love seat with it's washable slipcover is much more practical.
old clothes and things to goodwill.
sell PlayStation that never gets played anymore.
go through books
and actually sell books I haven't touched in over 5 years ( this one might be impossible but it is a goal! I own close to 500 books! )
go thru kitchen stuff and get rid of appliances that never get used, same with dishes and baking stuff
closet:
go thru craft supplies and take a SERIOUS inventory of what I WILL use and what I just think is useful and should keep because it might be useful SOMEDAY.
organize tools
make craft desk fit in bedroom
in place of chase lounge so I can actually use it for crafting! (I'm excited about this one but I have to sell the chase first.)
big dresser in living room:
find new homes for things in it that aren't being evicted from my life and get rid of the beast. I hates it so.
hmmm I think that's most of it.
other spring projects:
time to plan the garden
and time to start cleaning up and dewinterizing the yard. clean porch closet and organize
somehow clean and repaint with BATHROOM AND KITCHEN SURFACE paint
in the bathroom. may just ask landlord to have this done.
have carpets cleaned.
clean windows
clean fridge
That's all I have today. but i think it will keep me busy till at least May!
I realised that I will most likely be moving again at some point into shared housing with other people. Maybe not this year but at some point. I have a roommate for now and we're great, but you never know when someone's life is going to change and they are going to move. I want to be able to up and move into a room someplace and not need a whole apartment to myself. 1) that's really expensive and 2) I like living with people around. So I would most likely be moving into someone's established household or creating one with friends of my own, if/when I do move again. I want to be as unburdened as possible if that happens. That and if I ever want to take off and do something like work for the forest service or a residential camp and need to store my belongings, it will be much easier to do.
My list for this spring:
clean basement:
take to dump stuff that cannot be reclaimed and is not an environmental hazard. Appropriately dispose of anything that is an environmental hazard ( there are a lot of things like rat poison and fertilizer lying around from previous tenants, and paint that is old and useless.)
get rid of excess things:
it has an awkward shape and is useless as a couch as it has a low back. too bad it is otherwise an awesome piece of furniture. But I have decided the love seat with it's washable slipcover is much more practical.
and actually sell books I haven't touched in over 5 years ( this one might be impossible but it is a goal! I own close to 500 books! )
closet:
in place of chase lounge so I can actually use it for crafting! (I'm excited about this one but I have to sell the chase first.)
find new homes for things in it that aren't being evicted from my life and get rid of the beast. I hates it so.
hmmm I think that's most of it.
other spring projects:
time to
and time to start cleaning up and dewinterizing the yard. clean porch closet and organize
in the bathroom. may just ask landlord to have this done.
have carpets cleaned.
clean fridge
That's all I have today. but i think it will keep me busy till at least May!
Monday, January 7, 2008
This n' That
I've been so caught up in life lately, I haven't really worked on much in the crafty department. I forgot, even, to take pictures of all the knitting I did for xmas. Foo. I did get pics of the fingerless gloves I made for my mom. They were so much fun I made some for my brother too. And I am working on a pair for myself (slowly..I keep getting distracted.)
I keep meaning to go out and take some pictures of the birch trees right out side the kitchen, the rain collects on the branches just so, in little droplets and it's so pretty. All strung along in a row.
It's been a good year so far, I feel this is auspicious, I've been going out a lot, doing stuff, seeing friends, dancing with coworkers, seeing (and listening with ear plugs) experimental music, watchin' movies, looking at art, working on projects, walking around, shopping at goodwill... (I got a sweet vintage dress...!) I've somehow lost a good chunk of weight. I need new pants, they are all falling off my ass and it's driving me nuts. I need to learn how to alter clothes one of these days. Add it to the list. And I have mostly figured out the driving, even hills! And now that I am more comfortable with the stick, damn, is it fun to drive the darned thing. Vroom. I need a road trip! Life is good. As they say.
It's really something then people you know and see often, and people you haven't seen in awhile notice something about you is different, you look great, happy, etc. And it's not that you have changed you appearance, it's that somthing IN you has changed. I've been getting this a whole lot lately and it's really uplifting. I don't think that people every really notice me much, I don't think I stand out or anything, I don't generally like to be noticed... I doubt myself so much...So it feels good to have that sort of validation from people. Comforting.
I'm starting up a knit night with one of my co-workers for work, our first meeting is Sunday. I'm a bit nervous because a lot of the folks interested don't knit, they want to learn. I know teaching is what I DO, but still nervous. I'm not an expert knitter, but I think I can show people how. I hope it goes well, it should be a really fun thing to do regularly.
I feel like entertaining. I love cooking and having people over for dinner parties and games and conversation, so do my close friends. We are long over due for a dinner thing (Right miss J9?? this comment is directed at you..Dawn doesn't read this, I don't think...) And there has never been a proper housewarming for my roommate. I think sometime in the next month, this should happen. Potluck. This house needs some warming. Hmm...
I keep meaning to go out and take some pictures of the birch trees right out side the kitchen, the rain collects on the branches just so, in little droplets and it's so pretty. All strung along in a row.
It's been a good year so far, I feel this is auspicious, I've been going out a lot, doing stuff, seeing friends, dancing with coworkers, seeing (and listening with ear plugs) experimental music, watchin' movies, looking at art, working on projects, walking around, shopping at goodwill... (I got a sweet vintage dress...!) I've somehow lost a good chunk of weight. I need new pants, they are all falling off my ass and it's driving me nuts. I need to learn how to alter clothes one of these days. Add it to the list. And I have mostly figured out the driving, even hills! And now that I am more comfortable with the stick, damn, is it fun to drive the darned thing. Vroom. I need a road trip! Life is good. As they say.
It's really something then people you know and see often, and people you haven't seen in awhile notice something about you is different, you look great, happy, etc. And it's not that you have changed you appearance, it's that somthing IN you has changed. I've been getting this a whole lot lately and it's really uplifting. I don't think that people every really notice me much, I don't think I stand out or anything, I don't generally like to be noticed... I doubt myself so much...So it feels good to have that sort of validation from people. Comforting.
I'm starting up a knit night with one of my co-workers for work, our first meeting is Sunday. I'm a bit nervous because a lot of the folks interested don't knit, they want to learn. I know teaching is what I DO, but still nervous. I'm not an expert knitter, but I think I can show people how. I hope it goes well, it should be a really fun thing to do regularly.
I feel like entertaining. I love cooking and having people over for dinner parties and games and conversation, so do my close friends. We are long over due for a dinner thing (Right miss J9?? this comment is directed at you..Dawn doesn't read this, I don't think...) And there has never been a proper housewarming for my roommate. I think sometime in the next month, this should happen. Potluck. This house needs some warming. Hmm...
Archive part deux
Hmm, gonna make this private soon. For one, there are only a few things in there at the moment I would share with someone in person like "Hey read this thing I wrote", most of it is stuff that has meaning beyond how well (or not well) the work is written. The older posts, are newer material BTW, and somewhat more interesting if any of it is...Its mostly only interesting to me. =)
But the stuff I am getting into now is stuff that is pretty private, so, another day or two, and the archive will be gone from public view. If you want to say anyhing or read anything, now;'s the time! It's been a real head trip to read all this stuff though...crazy!
But the stuff I am getting into now is stuff that is pretty private, so, another day or two, and the archive will be gone from public view. If you want to say anyhing or read anything, now;'s the time! It's been a real head trip to read all this stuff though...crazy!
Monday, December 31, 2007
On a life, while living
As 2007 winds it's weary way into the pages of history, I have started to think on things I have experienced, learned, or realized this year.
This blog reflects little of my life. It's merely a window into things I want to share. Mostly the little crafty things I do, or interesting things I have gone and done, seen, taken pictures of. Soliloquies on things I am passionate about, like living green or whatnot. This is here to share a bit of me with you. You being mostly family and friends, and I am sure the occasional wanderer in from the Internet since it IS public. (Hello random public)
This last year has been a long and arduous one. No one ever said turning 30 was easy, but that was one of the highlights of my year, my birthday. It was other things that proved a trial by fire. And to usher in a new, shiny year, a fresh piece of paper to mark up and doodle on and make history, I want to leave this one on a positive note.
I am doing something for me, and sharing it with you, that I don't think I have ever done. I am making a list. A list of things I am grateful for or that I have learned or realized. And sharing it it me being open in a way to make me accountable to what I say for myself. To remind myself I said that. I know this to be true. Because in my heart of hearts I know I will doubt, second guess and forget many of these things, even deny them. So let the record stand.
I have learned that cliches are so for a reason and some of these things will sound cliche. But they are new truths to me.
~I cannot change anyone. I cannot fix anyone.
~I am grateful for the people in my life that have taught me this.
~If I want something, I have to take a chance at not getting it to get it, even if it means getting hurt in the process.
~I can have long lasting meaningful relationships with people who care about me. I am grateful for my friends whom I have known now for over 8 years, for the most part. I didn't think I could. I'm so solitary.
~ And I am grateful for those friends and their sharing of their marvelous lives with me, it's a privilege.
~I crave community after a youth of individuality.
~Compassion is the way to love.
~I need to trust my instincts, they are always right.
~I might regret some things I have done, but I am grateful for everything I have done in my life. It makes me who I am now.
~And I love who I am.
~I have realised that this body, my body is the only vessel I will ever have and it is amazing. It may never look the way I think it should look, but it's never let me down.
~ I am grateful I am whole and hale.
~I am beautiful and complicated and quirky and strange. I am unique and special and I know it, even when I don't believe it. I need to believe in myself more.
~ I can be both strong and feminine. And I am feminine and that's ok.
~I love my family more than anything on this earth. There is no one I would rather spend time with.
~I am grateful hat I have the family I do, I am so, so lucky.
~I know what I want from my life. I know where I want it to go. I may never reach my goals, but at least I will try to obtain them.
~No one can take away my power, my self, my energy, my passion, my qi, without my having allowed them to take it, ever again.
~I should never have to apologize for being myself. So I need to stop saying sorry.
Know when to stop.
Know when to start.
Know when to let go.
Know when to say yes.
Know when to say NO.
~Take more risks, my greatest adventures have been the scariest things I have ever done.
~let others in. I am not alone in this.
love more, freely.
Trust.
dream.
and know when to shut up. I don't, but I need to learn. and listen more.
None of this makes me wise or makes me have everything figured out, by any means. I am still, for a surety, unsure of myself, my actions...I am still worried about what others think of me, whether or not people like me, whether or not that matters, should it matter? Shouldn't it? Things to work on for next year, insecurity, doubt, fear...remembering I thought these things at all at this time. the gristle of being human. We are all blind in the dark you know? What do I know.
2008 is going to be a golden year, I can feel it. Blessings and salutations. I hope yours will be too.
Love and peace,
~Kristi
This blog reflects little of my life. It's merely a window into things I want to share. Mostly the little crafty things I do, or interesting things I have gone and done, seen, taken pictures of. Soliloquies on things I am passionate about, like living green or whatnot. This is here to share a bit of me with you. You being mostly family and friends, and I am sure the occasional wanderer in from the Internet since it IS public. (Hello random public)
This last year has been a long and arduous one. No one ever said turning 30 was easy, but that was one of the highlights of my year, my birthday. It was other things that proved a trial by fire. And to usher in a new, shiny year, a fresh piece of paper to mark up and doodle on and make history, I want to leave this one on a positive note.
I am doing something for me, and sharing it with you, that I don't think I have ever done. I am making a list. A list of things I am grateful for or that I have learned or realized. And sharing it it me being open in a way to make me accountable to what I say for myself. To remind myself I said that. I know this to be true. Because in my heart of hearts I know I will doubt, second guess and forget many of these things, even deny them. So let the record stand.
I have learned that cliches are so for a reason and some of these things will sound cliche. But they are new truths to me.
~I cannot change anyone. I cannot fix anyone.
~I am grateful for the people in my life that have taught me this.
~If I want something, I have to take a chance at not getting it to get it, even if it means getting hurt in the process.
~I can have long lasting meaningful relationships with people who care about me. I am grateful for my friends whom I have known now for over 8 years, for the most part. I didn't think I could. I'm so solitary.
~ And I am grateful for those friends and their sharing of their marvelous lives with me, it's a privilege.
~I crave community after a youth of individuality.
~Compassion is the way to love.
~I need to trust my instincts, they are always right.
~I might regret some things I have done, but I am grateful for everything I have done in my life. It makes me who I am now.
~And I love who I am.
~I have realised that this body, my body is the only vessel I will ever have and it is amazing. It may never look the way I think it should look, but it's never let me down.
~ I am grateful I am whole and hale.
~I am beautiful and complicated and quirky and strange. I am unique and special and I know it, even when I don't believe it. I need to believe in myself more.
~ I can be both strong and feminine. And I am feminine and that's ok.
~I love my family more than anything on this earth. There is no one I would rather spend time with.
~I am grateful hat I have the family I do, I am so, so lucky.
~I know what I want from my life. I know where I want it to go. I may never reach my goals, but at least I will try to obtain them.
~No one can take away my power, my self, my energy, my passion, my qi, without my having allowed them to take it, ever again.
~I should never have to apologize for being myself. So I need to stop saying sorry.
Know when to stop.
Know when to start.
Know when to let go.
Know when to say yes.
Know when to say NO.
~Take more risks, my greatest adventures have been the scariest things I have ever done.
~let others in. I am not alone in this.
love more, freely.
Trust.
dream.
and know when to shut up. I don't, but I need to learn. and listen more.
None of this makes me wise or makes me have everything figured out, by any means. I am still, for a surety, unsure of myself, my actions...I am still worried about what others think of me, whether or not people like me, whether or not that matters, should it matter? Shouldn't it? Things to work on for next year, insecurity, doubt, fear...remembering I thought these things at all at this time. the gristle of being human. We are all blind in the dark you know? What do I know.
2008 is going to be a golden year, I can feel it. Blessings and salutations. I hope yours will be too.
Love and peace,
~Kristi
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Kitty
I posted about Kitty awhile ago here. My roommate and I have affectionately turned her name into Porch Kitty, because she would sleep in the cabinet in the little closet off our front porch.
Kitty was finally accepted and taken to the Humane Society today by Dawn, while I was at work. They said she was old, and that she was probably sick.
Dawn told me yesterday that the Humane Society had called to let us know they had room for her and asked if I wanted to say goodbye or if I wanted her to let me know when she was taking her in and I said no.
When I left for work today she was meowing, and I fed her the last little bit of food in the bin and thought about petting her but I didn't.
It was the last time I saw her.
I came home and there was a little box by the closet and I knew Dawn had taken her in. The porch was silent. Her cubby empty. Her incessant mewling gone and she was no where under my feet preventing me from opening the door.
I tried so, so hard to not get attached to her. I avoided contact when I could.
But I am so sad, as I type this I'm starting to cry.
She was so small and silly, and clumsy and so, so, sweet. Always so sweet. She wanted nothing but love and warmth and affection and I couldn't give her those things. I couldn't let her inside, since I have two cats already, and that's really one cat too many when you rent. I wanted to.
I know that this was right, that even if she isn't adopted that she will have a warm, dry place to live out her life, that she will always have food and water. And that there will be many people around to love her and give her attention.
And I hope that someone sees her poor little frame and her crooked little tale and falls in love, that she will have a forever home I couldn't give her.
But it is going to take awhile for me to get used to her absence.
I didn't expect to feel this way, I tried so hard to guard against it, but so it is.I wish I had pet her one last time.
Good bye Porch Kitty.
Kitty was finally accepted and taken to the Humane Society today by Dawn, while I was at work. They said she was old, and that she was probably sick.
Dawn told me yesterday that the Humane Society had called to let us know they had room for her and asked if I wanted to say goodbye or if I wanted her to let me know when she was taking her in and I said no.
When I left for work today she was meowing, and I fed her the last little bit of food in the bin and thought about petting her but I didn't.
It was the last time I saw her.
I came home and there was a little box by the closet and I knew Dawn had taken her in. The porch was silent. Her cubby empty. Her incessant mewling gone and she was no where under my feet preventing me from opening the door.
I tried so, so hard to not get attached to her. I avoided contact when I could.
But I am so sad, as I type this I'm starting to cry.
She was so small and silly, and clumsy and so, so, sweet. Always so sweet. She wanted nothing but love and warmth and affection and I couldn't give her those things. I couldn't let her inside, since I have two cats already, and that's really one cat too many when you rent. I wanted to.
I know that this was right, that even if she isn't adopted that she will have a warm, dry place to live out her life, that she will always have food and water. And that there will be many people around to love her and give her attention.
And I hope that someone sees her poor little frame and her crooked little tale and falls in love, that she will have a forever home I couldn't give her.
But it is going to take awhile for me to get used to her absence.
I didn't expect to feel this way, I tried so hard to guard against it, but so it is.I wish I had pet her one last time.
Good bye Porch Kitty.
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