On a life, while living

As 2007 winds it's weary way into the pages of history, I have started to think on things I have experienced, learned, or realized this year.

This blog reflects little of my life. It's merely a window into things I want to share. Mostly the little crafty things I do, or interesting things I have gone and done, seen, taken pictures of. Soliloquies on things I am passionate about, like living green or whatnot. This is here to share a bit of me with you. You being mostly family and friends, and I am sure the occasional wanderer in from the Internet since it IS public. (Hello random public)

This last year has been a long and arduous one. No one ever said turning 30 was easy, but that was one of the highlights of my year, my birthday. It was other things that proved a trial by fire. And to usher in a new, shiny year, a fresh piece of paper to mark up and doodle on and make history, I want to leave this one on a positive note.

I am doing something for me, and sharing it with you, that I don't think I have ever done. I am making a list. A list of things I am grateful for or that I have learned or realized. And sharing it it me being open in a way to make me accountable to what I say for myself. To remind myself I said that. I know this to be true. Because in my heart of hearts I know I will doubt, second guess and forget many of these things, even deny them. So let the record stand.

I have learned that cliches are so for a reason and some of these things will sound cliche. But they are new truths to me.

~I cannot change anyone. I cannot fix anyone.

~I am grateful for the people in my life that have taught me this.

~If I want something, I have to take a chance at not getting it to get it, even if it means getting hurt in the process.

~I can have long lasting meaningful relationships with people who care about me. I am grateful for my friends whom I have known now for over 8 years, for the most part. I didn't think I could. I'm so solitary.

~ And I am grateful for those friends and their sharing of their marvelous lives with me, it's a privilege.

~I crave community after a youth of individuality.

~Compassion is the way to love.

~I need to trust my instincts, they are always right.

~I might regret some things I have done, but I am grateful for everything I have done in my life. It makes me who I am now.

~And I love who I am.

~I have realised that this body, my body is the only vessel I will ever have and it is amazing. It may never look the way I think it should look, but it's never let me down.

~ I am grateful I am whole and hale.

~I am beautiful and complicated and quirky and strange. I am unique and special and I know it, even when I don't believe it. I need to believe in myself more.

~ I can be both strong and feminine. And I am feminine and that's ok.

~I love my family more than anything on this earth. There is no one I would rather spend time with.

~I am grateful hat I have the family I do, I am so, so lucky.

~I know what I want from my life. I know where I want it to go. I may never reach my goals, but at least I will try to obtain them.

~No one can take away my power, my self, my energy, my passion, my qi, without my having allowed them to take it, ever again.

~I should never have to apologize for being myself. So I need to stop saying sorry.

Know when to stop.
Know when to start.
Know when to let go.
Know when to say yes.
Know when to say NO.

~Take more risks, my greatest adventures have been the scariest things I have ever done.

~let others in. I am not alone in this.

love more, freely.
Trust.
dream.

and know when to shut up. I don't, but I need to learn. and listen more.

None of this makes me wise or makes me have everything figured out, by any means. I am still, for a surety, unsure of myself, my actions...I am still worried about what others think of me, whether or not people like me, whether or not that matters, should it matter? Shouldn't it? Things to work on for next year, insecurity, doubt, fear...remembering I thought these things at all at this time. the gristle of being human. We are all blind in the dark you know? What do I know.




2008 is going to be a golden year, I can feel it. Blessings and salutations. I hope yours will be too.

Love and peace,

~Kristi